![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
SS ー Joe's Birthday (2024)
Jun. 10th, 2024 09:29 pm"............Eep............ Agh......... Wah!"
Shadow figures surround my younger self.
I can't make out their expressions well, but some have the corners of their mouths turned up while others have furrowed brows, possibly out of concern.
『You can do it, right? You are a capable child, after all.』
『I have high hopes for you!』
『You'll do it next time, right?』
I'm scared, terrified. No, that's not it.
They're saying it for my sake, so I need to pull myself together.
(Why can't I do what others can...? I'm sorry.)
(I have to try harder.)
My heart feels like it's sinking.
"Khー!"
Just as the tears are about to gush down, I wake up coughing, as if something had gotten caught in my throat.
I look for something sweet to help me sleep again, and I find my emotional support.
"Marshmallows... and water."
Marshmallows are sweet and have a delicate texture that soothes you.
I steady my breathing and climb back into bed, eyes fixed on the pitch-black ceiling.
On the black screen is the face of a coworker.
(If I'm not mistaken... that's Spider right after he came to GOAT.)
"I haven't accomplished anything yet, but I ain't givin' up. I'm gonna keep going."
"I'm not doin' it to live up to a someone's expectations, I'm doin' it for myself."
I felt like my head was violently shaked after hearing his words.
So radiant and enviable that it makes my eyes twitch. And―――
"I don't wanna lose to myself."
Every time something happens, I remember him muttering these words as he worked himself into the ground over and over again.
(Spider is truly something. There's no way I could do that... No.)
Perhaps I went down the wrong path at some point.
I can't easily change the past that has already been engraved in my subconscious, but I wonder if there's still time.
(I want to live my life... doing what I want for myself.)
"――"
I took a deep breath.
Everything's fine. I think I can sleep peacefully.
Happy Birthday, JOE.
Shadow figures surround my younger self.
I can't make out their expressions well, but some have the corners of their mouths turned up while others have furrowed brows, possibly out of concern.
『You can do it, right? You are a capable child, after all.』
『I have high hopes for you!』
『You'll do it next time, right?』
I'm scared, terrified. No, that's not it.
They're saying it for my sake, so I need to pull myself together.
(Why can't I do what others can...? I'm sorry.)
(I have to try harder.)
My heart feels like it's sinking.
"Khー!"
Just as the tears are about to gush down, I wake up coughing, as if something had gotten caught in my throat.
I look for something sweet to help me sleep again, and I find my emotional support.
"Marshmallows... and water."
Marshmallows are sweet and have a delicate texture that soothes you.
I steady my breathing and climb back into bed, eyes fixed on the pitch-black ceiling.
On the black screen is the face of a coworker.
(If I'm not mistaken... that's Spider right after he came to GOAT.)
I was crouching in the lesson room,
constantly spouting negativity for not being able to do a lot of things properly.
That was the first time Spider snapped at me.
"I haven't accomplished anything yet, but I ain't givin' up. I'm gonna keep going."
"I'm not doin' it to live up to a someone's expectations, I'm doin' it for myself."
I felt like my head was violently shaked after hearing his words.
So radiant and enviable that it makes my eyes twitch. And―――
"I don't wanna lose to myself."
Every time something happens, I remember him muttering these words as he worked himself into the ground over and over again.
(Spider is truly something. There's no way I could do that... No.)
Perhaps I went down the wrong path at some point.
I can't easily change the past that has already been engraved in my subconscious, but I wonder if there's still time.
(I want to live my life... doing what I want for myself.)
"――"
I took a deep breath.
Everything's fine. I think I can sleep peacefully.
Happy Birthday, JOE.
